something's just hit you....

its weird how it just happens.
BANG!
And your hit. Concrete blocks out of nowhere. Mist forming in your chest afterwards in the wake of what just happend. Stomach in knots of this new information.
I dont know whether i want to discuss this information as it would involve m stooping down to the level of EMO, aka discussing my problems online, which is clearly not the best way.
I dont care about whats happend, it doesnt really make a difference, it just annoys me at how it can move on without caring, without even a moments notiice, then the blocks come again. Im not much liking this.
Im stopping smoking today also, you see im in norway and i just ran out of tabaco last night so today is going to be hard especially with this news. Hrm, i need 7 11 or coffee from the Dehli!
But i know exactly what i need and i cant get.

Hrm, other things have been violently pushed out of focus, i hate information however it is one of the things i crave, much like a cigarette now. There is clearly so much other things that take presidence over this but they wont come back into the picture.
I need to find something to do today that involves little energy but much interest, this could b e a ay of PvP on WoW. Guess that'll do for now, until my care packages arrive then i can start smoking again, but will i? This question shall be answered when i come to it, no point skipping ahead in the paper, i wouldnt be able to figure it out anyway.

Bye for now people, peace out! V

I wonder......................................

I wonder what someone who found my moleskin would think? In my head it plays as some random (Hot! of course) Italian publisher who finds it, he reads it, thinks everything is incredibly well written (although we know it isn't) and deep.
After reading it he publishes it but with plans on finding the author: me!
So, you still keeping up?
I'm in a coffee books store, drinking my coffee, pondering worldly thought and flicking through some books when one particular book catches my eye. I go over and pick it up, begin to read and then realisation hitting me like a frate train i realise its my writing.
Shocked, stunned and amazed i look up the publisher and get in contact with him.
We arrange to meet.
We meet in a quaint little coffee
shop, just by a fountain. I see him. (i did some background checking
and that as to know what he looks like). Tall, dark haired, slim with
shoulder length hair. Penetrating eyes and bushly eyebrows. He asks me
where i lost my moleskin. I say i lost it at the fountain, which is
where he found it. After a few more questions confirming it was me who
wrote it he asks me to dinner. (At which point my poor little heart is
screaming "OMG yes!! He's hot!!!", but with self control and just a tad of dignity i calmly say yes).
We have dinner in this incredibly romantic which i think is a bit weird for 2 guys but I'm going with the vibe. He invite me to his apartment for "coffee". And i think we all know what "coffee" stands for so, GO FIGURE!!!
Teehee, i like this little story, it will never happen but hey, a girl can hope.

loves ya people!!! XXXXXXXXX

I want to be a Fish.

I want to be a Fish.
Think of it. How would it be? Mind you, not a very long life but it would be cool.
Ok, at the doctors now. Sitting in the waiting room. Everyone's looking at everyone else as if the Plague is about to erupt again. "What he's got?", "Whys she here?". Conspirical minds flowing with visions of death. Slightly metaphorical and Emo-esque but oh well "I'm sensitive and dark, with low self esteem and they way that i dress makes everyday, seem, like Halloween." Man i love that song! And the Medic Droid. Check them out on youtube! Anyway. *Cough* Someone is coughing! AAhhh the PLAGUE i tell thee!!! lol, oh well. I'm a medieval type of guy anyway. This is very much like waiting at the Airport just without the flying, and those annoying repeated announcements.
The Fish are chasing each other, hehe. Like cat and mouse only with, eh, well, Fish. So tempted to run over and play with the kiddies toys! These seats are so uncomfortable! Do they actively want us to have back problems?
County show is tomorrow. But me and someone friends were up to see they rides tonite. OMG! so much fun!
Such an intense euphoria of adrenaline mixed with 'OMG dont puke!'. Its better when you haven't been on a ride before and your like 'OMG I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!' But then the ride starts and the adrenaline precipitates on the end of your tongue, which in it's self, along with the rest of your body, is like taking acid.

Make me so ANGRY!!!

Why do people still feel the need to shout 'GAY!', 'Bender', 'Poof' and
the like. Although these things don't bother me (well they do but i
don't doddle on them) and i have my own ways of getting back at them.
It more upsets me because of the lack of social growth/acceptance. It's
like even though these idiots really have no idea why shouting slurs is
offensive but they still do it. And it must make them feel 'big' or
'hardcore' but it really all it makes them is ignorant.

I really would like to hear from anyone who hates gay people? Why is gay so
offending? It's not like gay people come on to straight people, it's
not like its any different sex-wise because a straight guy can stick
his dick up a woman's' ass so...I Just Don't Know!!!!!.

Ok, getting slightly more blunt here. maybe a straight guy doesn't like the thought
of getting shit on his cock and a woman thinks that if she was meant to
lick cunt she could like her own but still if he's gonna do it with a
woman like that, guess what? Same problem! I do say now, this is more
directed towards the gay man because it's always been more of a problem
for men to be gay than women.

Oh well, time for a fag!! Brb. Ok
back. I do realise that it will seem like no time has past but i don't
think making you read '........' for 5 minutes is very nice. Man i wish
i could fly. Slightly random but i saw a bird in my fag break.

Ok.

Lets get down and dirty here. Homosexuality is wrong in the eyes of
God. We weren't made for it so we shouldn't do it. This brought down
through a couple thousand generations and all the bad names that go
with it and then when somepre-pubescent chav squirts out a baby, all
that baby hears for the next 11 years of its life is 'poofter',
'bender' and 'fucking gay'. So when they are set free because there
mum's of her face and their dad's in prison they see someone they know
is gay and they slurs ensue but they aren't religious themselves but
they are using phrases from a religious background of hatred a
persecution. Wow, didn't know i knew these big words but yes, this is
basically my thought on the subject.

Really would like to hear back from people so PLEASE!!! Write back!!!!
Luvs you XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

What time is it anyway???

OK, here's a random question. What time is it anyway? I mean, ok, sure, we have ways of denominating time and there's different time zones and stuff like that but does anyone know the real time.
Starting to ramble here.
basically I'm thinking like what would the time be if the clock start ticking as soon as the universe was made. Would it be 2:34am or 9:17pm?
I dunno...............cheque please! Oh, wait no. Thoughts please!
That's the one. Hehe, oh buhy buhy buhy. I jist don't ken. Anyway me thinks I'm going to leave this one alone............RANDOM!!!

OMG- blurrrhhhhhh

Wow, today is slightly weird. I'm half bored, half tired, half I'll and half in desperate need of a fag. But, parentals are home so i cant have one. Ok, i realise that i just made myself into a whole other person with the whole 'half' thing but oh well.
I need to top-up my WoW account so i can play that for a little bit before i go to Norway. I really need to get my Pre-q done and get my bonus healing over 1000 so then i can get an invite to Lux Æternia and then finally karazhan where i can start to get some awesome epics and get 00ber pwnage going on........ahem.........

Ok, geek moment over but i shall never DIE!!! seriously, you just cant kill the geek within can you but oh well, i like it!!!
Yes, so I'm off to Norway 2 weeks on Friday!!! OMG
i cant wait. Lots of thoughts streaming through my cranium just now.
"What to say? How to say it? Will they like me? Will they hate me? Will
i have friends?" and then i have a cup of coffee and a fag and all is
well...........BUT I CANT HAVE ONE NOW!!!! And of course this would
have to be one of those moments wouldn't it. "Thank you karma. I do
love your little games" *scratches hole in desk*.
But, hopefully i
will be meeting some of my awesome Norwegian buddies at the bus
station. We shall go for coffee at 7 11 and i shall have a fag and i
need to get my Buss Kort topped up and then I'll decide which train i will be getting to Voss. More than likely a late one, just so i can hang about with friends, teehee.

Then it's off to Voss with me! Train Journey probably will be boring but im just gona load my PSP up with south park, my phone up with music and my head up with bull shit of how the train is going to crash and I'm going to have to live in the wild until I'm a ripe old age when people will find me and i wont be able to communicate, just fling fecies. Yes, charming.
Or i will just get to Voss, say a 'Howdy Doody' and be off up to my room. And hopefully i will be the 1st one there and ergo get 1st choice of bed and such. YAY!

Right, rambling over guys......Speaks to you later!!!!

Random thoughts..............lillies:S

Why is it that all my random thoughts come to me after I've had coffee????

I'm going to make a blogg out of my random thought (aka what I'm doing now)

don't ask me because i just don't know. But hey, ask me anyway because well....you never know but its always nice to talk!

I dyed my hair- and i like it!

Is gender an illusion????

I fell down the rabbit hole, it tasted like chicken.

Well I've failed- lets eat BANANAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


*JD Runs, trips, falls and lands on Lavern*
"You plannin' on makin' this worth my while?" OMG funniest quote ever.

Crying feels like you have a brick inside your chest and e great pressure pushing down on you. Then your face shrivels, you let out the odd squeak, whimper or moan and then the onslaught of howling and crying arrives. this is definitely one of the most peculiar acts from a human.

Airports

Airports are not just places of travel but confusion, mistakes ,unrest and general chaos. You get the a sense of 'OMG, please just let me get to where I'm going.'
You just want someone to speak to you just to pass the time. Or maybe something exciting to happen like 'OH NO! I spilt my coffee!' Ah, coffee the magical substance full of brain kickin' action.
Oh 7 11, the wonder of Bergen, a home away from home in my eyes. Brilliant coffee, 20Kr, which is good in price by Norwegian standards. Then if your lucky, you get a free donut.
Ah that free donut.
Why is it that no matter what it is, we don't say no to free things? However, when your free to enjoy your little bundle of unsuspecting happiness you start to think 'wait a minute, what's the catch? Why did I get this? Is it broken, diseased or maybe full of some weird mind controlling stuff?' (which I'm convinced the government outs in the water, hehe, my little bit of conspiracy work)
Or, maybe after you eat it you go on to enjoy the rest of you day.
See. (i think). We-as humans- have this inbuilt thing to be curious/wary of anything and everything. But it is our sentience/ common sense (which isn't so common) that allows us to push aside these natural- sometimes unwanted- feelings and just get on with it.
Ok, i do realise i went a bit off topic but hey, that's what i do. hehe...

Sorry guys!!!! (especially Ice Cream!!!)

Soz for not posting in a while, i have been really busy. I have some written up in my moleskin but i must get them on here.

Luvs you all XXXXXXX

Migraines- not for everyone

Well, today's not been so great. I've been trying to suppress a migraine (with minor success) but with each attack my defenses seem to weaken. Its definitely gaining strength. Migraines are so annoying!!!!!!!
For any of you who do get them you'll know what im talking about. Your head feels like its about to explode, you cant concentrate, everything you smell (and i mean everything) is SO strong it makes you feel nauseous, or like your insides are taking tango classes. Migraines are generally just shite.
There are many different cures to them-i've tried most of them. Diet related, nasal spray, injections, the woiks. However, the one that works for me is 2 x 200mg Ibuprofen, 2 x 500mg Paracetamol and plenty of Coffee. Oh and about 3 hours sleep. Argh, I hate migraines but it's such a great feeling knowing that its gone.
I really hope none you get them. Anyways im outtie now, Toodles!!!

The Beetle

A beetle runs up the page of my book. It gets to the
top where the pages part, i let them spread. Why? To allow a challenge?
To assert my power over such a meagre creature? But alas! This 'meagre
creature' has out smarted me, for it has wings and can fly, and so it
does. It flies away and that is that.

So, is this such a meagre
creature? It can do something i cant. I envy this creature now but i
also appreciate it. Although i can get onto an aeroplane and fly off to
destinations unknown. This, however, has been achieved through
mechanical means. What the beetle can do, and this is why i envy it, is
fly using its own body, manipulating the air like a Dolphin in water.
This has taken millions, billions even, of years to develop and
prefect. But is the human means of flight 'unnatural'? We're using
whats around us, combining things to our advantage. This raises yet
more questions.Aahh my life, an on going bombardment of curiosity in my head. This requires coffee.....

The Park

Im sitting. Here, in the Park. If you can call it that. We dont. We call it a 'Public Garden' really, but thats what it is, a garden.

Im smoking a cigarette, legs crossed, sitting. The wall next to me is definite, defined, it has a purpose.

Do i?

Im waiting. For what? Anything really. Just waiting. But i know im waiting, not just sitting. The breeze flows over me occasionally, the birds talk about their plans for today. This place doesnt reject me, im allowed here. Does that mean i might not be allowed here at times?

The sun is out, im
not bathing though. It's bathing me. A person has just come into the
Garden. A tourist. I hope he speaks to me. I would like to be spoken
to, to learn, share stories, commune. The smoke from my cigarette
drowns my hand and washes over me. An owl, strange? It has such a
defined voice, calling forth with its well known hoots. I long for a
voice like that; well known, defined, me.

The seat i first
came to was wet, this one is too but not as much. I like this one
better, it has a wall next to it. It offers something intangible , something that i cant quite put my finger on.

im somewhere else now. Another kind of park. This one has a burn, more people, cars and birds. Crows. Singing their morning songs. This is one voice im glad i dont have.

Nice & Depressive- Mutually Exclusive?

Depressive- a feeling of sadness, emptiness and feeling like nothing is good. It can also be the way someone or something appears.
This is a tricky subject. He/she is depressed lets keep away, we might catch it. Is it a disease? Can we catch it from close proximity? Or is it like a smile, spreading to those we meet? So many questions.
Nice- An action, description of somebody or something. Oh, she looks nice, but what if she's depressed? How can nice and depressive be mutually exclusive when they exist in the same body, perhaps in different forms but still there?
Ok, I'm not sure if I'm making much sense. But then again i don't usually. See, I'm nice to people, polite even. Why wouldn't i be? no need to be nasty. I may dress all in black and have long black hair but does that mean I'm depressed? NO! It means i like the colour black! These are some of the pre-misconceptions that people make. This annoys me, ggrr.
hehe, anyway this still brings us back to the question: Is Nice & Depressive Mutually exclusive?
Can an action of niceness be depressing? I think this is all a bit confusing. It all really depends on someones upbringing, their social group and the current events in their life. So, to end this train wreck of confusion, Nice & Depressive and NOT mutually exclusive.

Sometimes i wish the World came with Subtitles

This is very true. If the World came with subtitles then we would at least know what was going on instead of thinking "Ya wah???".

Now i have just come back from Norway (which is where i got my inspiration) and whilst i was there i was staying with friends. We would sit down to dinner and of course conversation would ensue. So there's me, sitting quietly eating my dinner, trying for the life of me to figure out what the hell anyone was saying and there would be an eruption of laughter. I felt so embarrassed at times like these because you tend to laugh at your friends families jokes (even if their not that funny, or a bit racist as the case sometimes may be) but im sitting there still eating my dinner and thinking "should i join in? Or just keep eating? Oh damn my carrot got away again.....oh yeah wait the joke. Was it a joke? Maybe it was a pun. Oh dear im lost. Right just focuse on the food. Food food food. What's this??? Lets try it*puts fork filled which unknown substances in mouth*. OMG!!! This is fowl!! I cant spit it out, oh no oh no oh no oh no!!!! Ok just swallow it and smile......well, go on then, do it! Come on! Its just some slimey stuff, just SWALLOW!! *swallows* OMG its even worse where there are no taste buds!!! OMG OMG OMG!!! They've stopped laughing". Ok, sorry about that. I tend to go off on random tangents which has nothing to do with what im actually blogging about. So, anyway. Now, this subject doesnt just apply to foreign languages, it can be usefull about the house say with animals for instance.
*A dog barks*
"What is it?? You want out for a pee??"
*Dog barks* "No i want to have a bath. And not with that crappy dog shampoo! I want the real deal, you know, the L'Oreal stuff with the fortifying vitamins and minerals in it. I aint just any dog, i'll have you know that im nearly a pedigree. If it wsnt for my mother playing miss whore'alot in the park a couple years ago."
"I bet your hungry!!"
*The dog looks* "Oh, and dont even get me started on that abismal excuse for food you make me choke down every night. What eer happend to steak dinners, or at least a salal once in a while. i mean i've gained 3 pounds! 3 POUNDS!!! Do you know what that generic crap does to my figure??"
"Lets get you some food then. Want an egg?? I bet you do. Its sooooo good for your coat."
"Do i look like a body builder? I do NOT need an egg and especially not one of those out of date one you brought back (or shouldi say smuggled back) from greece. I know they've been laying in there for at least 3 months"
"There we go, its your favorite 'Lamb and Rabbit' but i put an extra special something on it for you"
"YAY!!! *frowns* WORMING TABLETS!!!!